January 17, 2014

What Hath Hasbro Wrought?

Our dearest Hasbro, what of thy design?
You gave us the Elites, and Megas fine,
But what about the future of our sport,
when new things are of the fallacious sort?

Disturbing is this recent product trend
when fav'rites of your fan base come to end
Replaced by blasters so inferior
that fans just trash the shells' interior

Your Super Soakers went from pressured joy
to piston pumps we all want to destroy
Your dart guns all lost their creative flair
the reverse plungers brought only despair

Yes, the one on the right is a glorified squirt pistol.


You lifted spirits with the new Elites
ev'n if the shells were simply all repeats
The plungers that we loved had now returned
and for Rebelle and or Megas we now yearned

But even with exciting, brand new looks
with which you got the Nerfing fan base hooked,
Your well of new ideas had run dry
And Nerfers everywhere let out a cry.

The new Centurion would eat our darts,
the massive reverse plunger broke our hearts
The cloning of the Jolts was uninspired
this blatant lack of effort, undesired

And even when you gave the best of tries
you showed abominations to our eyes
This Thunderbow, a freakish spawn of hell!
And so many new blasters, just reshells

Wut.


And when I saw your soakers on the shelf
I couldn't help but think unto myself
How far the mighty fall, when now they make
a squirt gun they somehow believe we'll take!

Hasbro, you promote your blasters' range
yet constantly decide that you will change
your product line for cheap unwanted things
From CPS to manual everything!

Foam blasters long ago performed just fine
creative shells all molded for each line
with simple prime and fire guts inside
Or innovative blasters far and wide!

The Supermaxx, Ballzookas, and Airtechs
the Cyber Strike experiments, the Airjets
But all we have are clones of clones in store
And wish for better toys from days of yore.

No wonder all these Nerfers choose to thrift
it's cheap, and each old blaster is a gift.
I guess the only thing I mean to say
is "Hasbro, make REAL toys with which we'll play!"

New Megas! NOM NOM NOM!

5 comments:

  1. Wow, this is actually really good. Well said for everything.

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  2. Dude, you are hilarious! Yet, spot on! When it got to the end about thrifting, I had to laugh. I just went yesterday. Thanks for your awesome poem. It makes me yearn for the Kenner days.

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  3. Hi
    I dissasemblet the huntman 50.
    But i do not know how to assemble it

    You can help me ?
    Thank

    ReplyDelete
  4. Very creative, Buffdaddy! Here's our retort:

    http://www.blasterlabs.com/2014/01/opinion-on-what-hasbro-hath-wrought/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A retort, eh? Well, it seems I must respond! Or else, just say "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries"!

      Delete